Monday, May 19, 2008

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE (Heath, Hutch and Hugh)

An on-line poll of Herald Sun readers has come up with some bizarre (and revealing) results. The "hottest of the hot" list of men includes three of the -- er -- forever stiff club: Heath Ledger, Michael Hutchence and -- get this -- Bon Scott.

What are we to infer from this? That women don't mind their men having a past as long as they don't have a present... as long as they're not sleeping with anyone else? (With the possible exception of the fishes?!)

Can you imagine the reverse? Can you imagine men naming recently, tragically, hunkily dearly departed? With the possible exception of Marilyn Monroe in the '60s, it's just not gonna happen. You will not find an Anna Nicole Smith on a comparable list. (I can't even bring myself to name the beautiful, talented, recently-departed Aussie women to rival Ledger or Hutchence in this context.)

Men, obviously, demand availability from their women. The more available the better. (Is this why men admire Paris Hilton? That they think they have a fair shot?) They also, admirably, demand a pulse... a throbbing heart in their heart throb. That's pretty much it... if you're a supermodel that is! (Jennifer Hawkins clocks in at #1, Megan Gale at #2.) [Hmmm. This leads me to wonder if this poll is a hoax and only women voted. Gale, after all, is the supermodel that women drool over and men go "meh, I don't get it" over.]

Women, on the whole, demand unavailability from their men. Pulse optional. Good looks optional. Wealth, desirable. Talent, desirable. (Jimmy Barnes didn't crack the list on good looks, nor did Paul Hogan crack it on talent.)

To be fair, at the top of the list of blokes -- streets ahead of Heath and Hutch -- is "happily married dad-of-two" Hugh Jackman. He scored "more than 60 per cent of the total vote for Australian male stars." (!!)

While we're on the subject of the undead, talent and stuff -- and while I'm in a ranting state of mind (lacking in Self Control, one might say) -- I'm quite irrationally offended to see that Laura Branigan's song 'Gloria' is on the new Countdown CD/DVD set of One Hit Wonders. Had she not been cremated, and her ashes strewn, Branigan would be pirouetting in her proverbial pit over the "one hit" label. Hell, 'Gloria' wasn't even her biggest Australian hit. She had a "number two smash" with another Umberto Tozzi number, 'Ti Amo'.

I'm hardly what you would call a Branigan 'shipper, incidentally. I didn't like the nasal thing in her voice. (Actually, I didn't much like her nose!) But credit where it's due. She sold a squillion records in Europe and the US and she made a lot of people damn happy. [gnashes teeth]


Blogger Chris Boyd said...

I stand corrected. 'Gloria' was a bigger hit in Australia (and internationally) than 'Ti Amo'.

Branigan had her best chart results for 'Ti Amo' in Australia, where it reached #2.

But my point stands. She's hardly what you would call a one hit wonder. ('Self Control', the single, got to #3 and 'Solitaire' #5 too BTW.)

7:29 PM  
Blogger dri aquandrian said...

You're terrible, you are. :p

But this is very true. I've sat here for fully five minutes, racking my brain as to a beautiful talented recently-departed woman, Aussie or not. Weird.

Seems to me, though, the reason for the three dead guys making the top whatever is the whole "I must save this bad boy from himself" retroactive mystique. God knows I've spent many a fevered night wanting to hop into a time machine and save that beautiful Hutchence from his auto-erotic experimentations. *sighs*

Men's desires are so much simpler, aren't they? :p Although I am boggling at the Megan Gale "meh"ness. Are you Kidding??!!!

I am so not surprised at the Heath placement ... *rolls eyes* ... a cynical person might wonder how he might have placed in previous years.

At least they got the Hugh Jackman bit correct. Yes, Virginia, there is a God(dess). Hee.

8:23 PM  
Blogger genevieve said...

Only going to comment on the undead here - Umberto was a gorgeous fellow in his day. I would far rather watch him sing both numbers than Laura B.(I did see Gloria on the teev once. Brilliant.)

9:52 PM  
Anonymous IJB said...

Interesting about Hugh Jackman, he always struck me as a bit of a wuss.
One of my favourite actors, that we don't see enough of in my opinion, is Colin Friels. He's always so natural & can play any role handed to him. We don't see his wife either.

11:25 PM  
Anonymous Rochelle said...

Chris Boyd, how can you say men have a 'meh' response to Megan Gale! (Just because you have gourmet tastes...)
I know of a horde of men who would kiss her feet.

10:13 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home